Just a Click

My heart felt conflicted as I grabbed my computer on Saturday morning. There was just one more task I had to complete. One more and and my summer break officially would begin. A feeling of relief came over me as the thought of distance learning ending, followed be a feeling of dread. I know my students would no longer be popping up on my computer screen filling my head with their questions and filling my ears with their stories and thoughts.

I slowly opened my computer and I stared at the screen. I longed for my students faces to appear. Over the past three months the only time I truly felt like a teacher was when my screen was filled with numerous squares that had children’s faces in them so that I could exchange ideas with my students. We talked about books, their writing, their pets and current events. I often left those virtual meetings feeling lighter and our conversations gave me purpose.

I began to open my Google Classroom and I scrolled through my list of students. I took a moment to read each of their names. Usually on the last day of school when I enter my classroom after the students leave for the summer, the silence that greets me is deafening. I have been teaching almost 20 years and it always takes me by surprise. However, this year I ran my eyes down a list of names and emails knowing I have to be the one to delete them from my Google Classroom. My last lifeline to my students this year-the thing that held us together when we could not be physically together.

I sat there for awhile not wanting to be the one to exit them from me this way. I rationalized that they are my students forever, even though I would not be their teacher next year. This thought did not comfort me. I moved my mouse to the button that read ‘remove.’ Then in one click they were gone…but not forgotten.


4 thoughts on “Just a Click

  1. Welcome Back! What a slice. That last click was like a sucker punch! I kinda felt that way when we clicked off the faculty meeting — that last click was eerily calm – the antithesis of the last day of school! You can feel the love you have for your work and the kids in this slice! Yay you for making it great!


  2. As I read that last part of your post and that last click you made, it reminded me of that hollow feeling I had when having to do the same thing a few weeks ago. I think it may have caused us all a bit of trauma. We say goodbye to our students each year and I agree, the silence can feel deafening. This year came with so much more hardship, so it seems that the silence that greeted you felt a bit more potent. It can be hard to let them fly away. I hope you gift yourself time to rest and do other things that bring you joy and laughter until your next adventure.

    Liked by 1 person

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