My heart felt conflicted as I grabbed my computer on Saturday morning. There was just one more task I had to complete. One more and and my summer break officially would begin. A feeling of relief came over me as the thought of distance learning ending, followed be a feeling of dread. I know my students would no longer be popping up on my computer screen filling my head with their questions and filling my ears with their stories and thoughts.
I slowly opened my computer and I stared at the screen. I longed for my students faces to appear. Over the past three months the only time I truly felt like a teacher was when my screen was filled with numerous squares that had children’s faces in them so that I could exchange ideas with my students. We talked about books, their writing, their pets and current events. I often left those virtual meetings feeling lighter and our conversations gave me purpose.
I began to open my Google Classroom and I scrolled through my list of students. I took a moment to read each of their names. Usually on the last day of school when I enter my classroom after the students leave for the summer, the silence that greets me is deafening. I have been teaching almost 20 years and it always takes me by surprise. However, this year I ran my eyes down a list of names and emails knowing I have to be the one to delete them from my Google Classroom. My last lifeline to my students this year-the thing that held us together when we could not be physically together.
I sat there for awhile not wanting to be the one to exit them from me this way. I rationalized that they are my students forever, even though I would not be their teacher next year. This thought did not comfort me. I moved my mouse to the button that read ‘remove.’ Then in one click they were gone…but not forgotten.
What I Notice 
She’s back! Glad to see you here. What a symbolic action, wrapped up in so much emotion. Your students were lucky to have you as their teacher. I’m sure they’ll be in touch.
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Oh, that click! Yikes! I could feel the hesitation.
You’ll always be the teacher from the time of the pandemic. They will remember you and everything you did to hold them together at this time.
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Welcome Back! What a slice. That last click was like a sucker punch! I kinda felt that way when we clicked off the faculty meeting — that last click was eerily calm – the antithesis of the last day of school! You can feel the love you have for your work and the kids in this slice! Yay you for making it great!
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As I read that last part of your post and that last click you made, it reminded me of that hollow feeling I had when having to do the same thing a few weeks ago. I think it may have caused us all a bit of trauma. We say goodbye to our students each year and I agree, the silence can feel deafening. This year came with so much more hardship, so it seems that the silence that greeted you felt a bit more potent. It can be hard to let them fly away. I hope you gift yourself time to rest and do other things that bring you joy and laughter until your next adventure.
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